I am 31 years old.  Happily married. Mother of 2 small girls.

Here are the ugly stats:

296 lbs , 5′7″

I won’t even put the BMI down.  It’s just uncool.

I wasn’t always overweight.  When I graduated high school, I weighed 145 lbs and wore a Size 6.    In the two years after that, I gained about 30 lbs.  This was due to a bad break up (serious emotional eating), a bad schedule, and with that magic number 20 PCOS kicked in.

I’ve battled (and lost) ever since.  I’ve had brief, mild successes.  The last was just before I got pregnant with Kiddo #2.  The question is — can I find that perfect combination of exercise and diet that allows me to deal with the PCOS, maintain my life, and lose weight?  I’m feeling kind of desperate. Doubling ones weight in a dozen years is NOT healthy.

I don’t particularly care for the way I look.  But I’m one of the lucky ones in that my husband is not mean about it.  The worst thing he’s ever said (a response to a personal put down) is, “I don’t look so hot, either.”  I’m starting to feel the strain of all the weight.  I know it makes my neck problems worse.  It makes my feet hurt.  I get winded easily.  I get tired easily.  I hate this!

More than anything, I want to be healthy for my kids.  I want to be around for them.  And I want to deal with my food issues before I pass them on to them.  I come from a long line of women with poor interpersonal relationships with food.

Did you say, INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH FOOD?  Yup.  That’s exactly it.  We eat when we’re happy. We eat when we’re sad.  We have a dish for every mood in between.  And all the while, we are hating ourselves for it.

I’ve been going through a bout of depression.  And it struck me the other day that the only reason I was getting out of bed was to get the M&Ms from the cupboard. Yikes!

But it’s hard to get out of an unhealthy relationship when you have to make three to five small visits to the other party each day.  Gees, I don’t weight watchers — I need therapy!

I don’t want this for my daughters.  Honestly, I don’t want it for me.

I am seriously considering beginning a weight loss journey.

Why would I blog such a thing?  The potential humiliation is immense.

Actually, that is part of the appeal.  I’m checking out options.  We shall see.  My mantra will be: There are no old fat ladies.

P.s. don’t tell me about any old fat ladies you know.  You’re missing the point.

More introductions soon.